You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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