what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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