im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
