After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
