people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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