have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
