Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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