Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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