do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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