i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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