she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I could fuck to npr.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
