He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
