I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
