my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
