She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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