i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
a search helicopter?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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