i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
