Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
