i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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