dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
