Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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