Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
