Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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