tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
