I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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