the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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