can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we're so committed to being not committed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
