omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
