Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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