I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
