ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
