i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
