I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
