Plan B is the new Plan A
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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