were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
