3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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