if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
