R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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