I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
