At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
