i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Boobs speak an international language.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
