Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
