I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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