Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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