either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
