this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
