Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
