please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
