It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
