A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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