youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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