After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
